When Someone Slaps Your Kid
I am at a pastors conference right now. Proof? Here are some titles of the messages I’ve been listening to the last couple of days: Preaching Christ from the Old Testament Narratives, Sitting Down With A Symphonic Witness in Four Movements, Kingdom Character, and so on.
All was well until I received a message from my wife: “Call me as soon as you can. I need to talk to you” Even as I listened to her voice mail, I sensed it’s not one of those I-called-to-say-I-love-you talks. I’m right. It turns out that my boy got slapped at school by another kid while his teacher walked out of the room for a moment. From what I can gather, during his opportune moment, the bully turned 
around slapped my son in the face (!), threw a book at him (!!), and then said something to the effect of “If we didn’t have a principal, I would KILL you” (!!!). I don’t know if I was more shocked by what this kid did or how seemingly unfazed my son was. I pray there are no latent psychological bruises that will appear when he gets older.
After our fury subsided, we decided to take the logical parental steps of contacting M’s teacher and principal, find out of there is any history of any aggressive/violent behavior, etc. and of course, pray.
What makes this all the more upsetting and frustrating is that I am here in the east coast while my son is at home in the midwest. I am thankful I return late tonight and will be able to go with M to school tomorrow with the cops and arrest the bully assailant and talk to the school personally and see if such future incidents can be avoided.
This blog post is not really about bullies or even my kid, but me. It’s about me trusting God. Trust. Even when I am not home. Even when my kid gets slapped. Even when things don’t go my way. Do I trust in God’s sovereign care over my life?
As I was praying yesterday, intensely upset from all that had transpired, God reminded me of something that happened a number of years ago. I was in Morelia, Mexico ministering in the various campuses in that city. With a team of a dozen people from my church we were really in the thick of campus evangelism and enjoying every moment. However, it was also a time when I felt bad I couldn’t be home with my wife since she was alone with our then two very little children: E and M (the one who got slapped). As to assure me he would take care of my family, God worked through my then four year old daughter’s dream. Via email, I found out that she excitedly told her Sunday school teacher, “Ms. A_ I had a dream that Jesus was in my house. I was lying in bed when Jesus peaked into my room and smiled at me. He then peaked in M’s room and smiled at him. He also saw Mommy sleeping on the couch and smiled at her. Ms. A_ Jesus was in my house!” It was God’s way of saying “Son relax, I am the Lord of this house and I will watch over your family. Trust me. I can watch over your kids even better than you can.” Life is a journey of trusting God. I can trust him now as I trusted him then.
On a side note, it’s interesting that as parents we do so much to secure the best situation for our kids (which we should) but even in a plain Jane town like Champaign, IL, a kid can be slapped in the face and threatened at school. Fair or not, we often reserve such scenarios for an inner city context. My point is that on this side of heaven, there is no perfect place. We must trust in God no matter where we are at and He must watch over our kids.
I have some thoughts I jotted down as I meditated on all this.
1. The call to pray. When I heard my boy had gotten slapped, it was a stinging backhand to my own soul to wake up and pray. Here I was listening to the aforementioned theologically rich lectures and discussing ministry with fellow pastors, which are good things of course. However a pastor who lives in his sterile ivory theological tower without an ear to the pulse of the street is no pastor at all. He is aimlessly dilly dallying with superficial theological information with a limp life and weak ministry. I felt the Spirit say to me, “JP, there are real people out there living with real issues, attacked by a real enemy. Your people are going through pain and struggling with sins in their hearts. Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Pray like you prayed when you heard your son was slapped. Love them like you love your own.” Sometimes we need a slap to the face to be awakened from our apathy. Lord, give me your heart to pray for your people.
2. Christ is our substitutionary atonement. My first response to my wife’s message was “I wish I was there to be slapped instead of my boy.” Actually, to be honest, I had much more violent and ungodly thoughts than that but this was my second thought. Then I had another thought, ‘My boy took the slap for me.’ Who deserves a slap in the face more? My 7 year old boy or me? I would say me. I’ve lived longer. I’ve made more mistakes, hurt more people, made more compromising choices, etc. If one had to objectively choose between me and my boy, I would clearly be the one chosen to receive a slap of any kind. Blood rushed to my face as I realized how this is truer than I realize. There was One who is far more pure and innocent than my boy who took the slap for me on the cross.
“Then they spat in his face and struck him with their fists. Others slapped him.” (Matthew 26:67)
Jesus is my substitutionary atonement. He was my substitute on the cross. I belonged there. Jesus lived the perfectly righteous and obedient life I should’ve lived and died the horrible death I should have died because of my sin. I should forever praise Him and love him.
3. Love your enemies. Flowing out of the second point, this is an obvious application, but a hard one. I was God’s enemy yet he received my slap and loved me to the end. It is my prayer that both M and I can love this boy who slapped and bullied not only my son but many in the class. Aside from all the practical things we need to do to help correct and guide this young man in the right path, I pray that we would love and pray for him. I pray we would do it not of out of vengeance but out of love. That is the way of the cross. Lord, help us.
I'm a pastor-husband-dad. This blog is a literary outlet for my thoughts & feelings. I hope all that is written here will ultimately point to His Redemption Story.
Eddie L
27 Jan, 2010
Dude, was the other kid a girl? What kind of boy slaps? If I was M, I’d be more upset that I got slapped and didn’t get punched if it was a boy. If it was a girl, uh oh, lil M is a playa! hahaha. jk. If you want, we can take some yg kids to go pick on the bully. let me know.
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PJong Reply:
January 28th, 2010 at 4:03 am
apparently it’s a big kid who looks like he might’ve flunked a couple of grades
other parents we’ve talked to have said he’s done similar things to their kids. we need to pray for the younger generation!
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Eddie L Reply:
January 28th, 2010 at 9:48 am
I’ll have the yg kids go with M and rough him up, then M can reach out to him and invite him to Sunday School.
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PJong Reply:
January 28th, 2010 at 9:53 am
I think that’s called a missional beatdown.
cassie
27 Jan, 2010
I noticed that once you added the “like” function, you get less comments
BUT I’m all about the comments! haha I really like your post. Your strike-through at the top with the cops made me laugh haha 
I remember you shared that story about Esther’s dream before, I forget when though. I also love your #2 point here at the end 
hope you have a safe trip back!
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PJong Reply:
January 28th, 2010 at 5:06 pm
Yes, please keep commenting. I like comments too.
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liana
28 Jan, 2010
WHATTT?! oh nooo
i hope he’s ok pjong! 
but thanks for your reflection on it, super blessed by it 
<–still sad face, thinking about M
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June
28 Jan, 2010
You mentioned that M was “unfazed.” In an age where so many, probably most, families are “dysfunctional” in a real way (not the “oh, my family’s a little crazy too” kind of way), I think it speaks leagues of how safe and secure he feels in his home life that he reacted to calmly… without anger, without anxiety. It’s awesome!
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PJong Reply:
January 28th, 2010 at 4:01 pm
Yea, M told me that when he was hit, he looked at the kid, w/o crying, and said, “stop it.” He’s very logical in that way. Today, I heard the kid said “sorry” (at the principal’s prodding) and then they roller skated together during P.E. We need to keep praying for him and his family.
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janet
28 Jan, 2010
Mom was way more traumatized…
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Sue Reply:
February 1st, 2010 at 9:59 pm
Awww, Janet! I’m so sorry! =(
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John Choi
29 Jan, 2010
hey pastor jung, your blogs are awesome and i read them when im bored at work (which is often). keep on writing! i get blessed when i read your stories and about your open/honest heart before God. keep the blogs comin!
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Sue
1 Feb, 2010
P Jong. I am SO rebuked. Thanks for sharing, what a great perspective to have…….
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Lizz
2 Feb, 2010
P.Jong, I remember you sharing that story during a prayer time in Mexico. It was a good reminder for me then and it still is today. Thanks.
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Glo
2 Feb, 2010
aww who would slap mordecai?? -_____- it’s unbelievable pjong how you think about the cross even in such situations.
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michelle lee
6 Feb, 2010
hi pastor jong,
i really liked your story about your daughter dreaming about Jesus in your house while you were away. thanks for putting these up. they are really good reads.
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Sarah
10 Feb, 2010
PJong,
I’m not one to really reply to posts, but just thought I would share some thoughts and also appreciation for your experience.
A few months ago, my 7th grade cousin came to me bawling because a friend had slapped her in the face. My first reaction as a human was to demand that I see who this girl is on Facebook. Then, I thought of all the mean things to say about this friend, in hopes of making my cousin feel better. But then, I had to pause and think like a Christian. I ended up talking to my cousin about forgiveness and how we can’t let things like this fill us up with hatred. I also had to stick in there some advice about girl friends and who true friends are.
But how do you deal with the hurt that lingers inside the child’s heart? I’m glad your son’s such a tough guy (and a cutie), but my cousin is in that very sensitive time of adolescence. I guess that’s where prayer comes in, huh?
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PJong Reply:
February 10th, 2010 at 1:27 pm
Hi Sarah, thanks for commenting. As a growing father, I’ll share a few thoughts in response to your post.
1. I think it’s very important how we react in front of our kids when they go through something. They read our faces and catch on to how they should react to things. A calm, biblical, prayerful reaction is what they need to see. I think it’s OK to show anger when there is wrong involved but we should quickly process things so that we show our kids how to deal with situations that get us angry.
2. I think we need to remember that we can’t change anyone’s heart. All we can do is speak truth into our kid’s minds and then help them process the situation. Hopefully, they will be convinced you are speaking truth and build up a system of thinking that is biblical rather than emotion-based.
3. Every kid is wired differently. Depending on the emotional nature of each child, I would deal with them differently. Even though M did not need constant affirmation emotionally, he DID need to understand that what this kid did was wrong and why it’s wrong. For your cousin perhaps this will be the hardest thing for her to do–to forgive the other child and to love her. I would really turn it into a teaching moment, talking about the love of Christ on the cross. Because your cousin is a spiritual being, as we all are, God can heal her as well as strengthen her to love in a radical way. And yes, prayer is key.
4. I would try to give your cousin a ministry mindset. Have her pray for the other child. Ask the question together, “What must be hard for her that she feels the need to hit other people?” M and I prayed for this boy and talked to his teacher and after some time (and suspension
) this bully came up to M and said sorry and asked him to roller skate together during PE. It turns out that he really liked M and just had bad social skills. Now, that might not happen with your cousin but just helping her to think ministry – praying for others and thinking about why/what they are going through is a good habit I think.
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Christina S
5 Apr, 2010
Hi P.Jong! I’m so glad I found your blog and that you write a blog! I am so glad I found this entry (found through CByun’s facebook.) Wow… I would have bypassed the teacher, principal, waited outside the school doors and knocked that kid out! Most challenging thing for me is my temper and being a Christian. =) Especially when it comes to driving and my kids. (There is something about the Jun temper… very strong) So I need to be rebuked more and challenged. =) I always appreciated your words is wisdom and your sheer honesty P.Jong. I know this blog is probably great for you and your outlet but I think it’s also great ministry to us who’ve left and miss all our old shepherds. Looking forward to reading more.
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PJong Reply:
April 5th, 2010 at 12:02 pm
Thanks for stopping by Christina! Yes, yes, our kids… and driving… that’s where I get most emotional too!
Hope you are doing well. Praying for you guys!
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Alice Choi
14 May, 2010
Hey PJong.. I know this is an old post, but I just read it today. I was crying as I read about E’s dream. It’s funny because our community group was JUST talking about this topic last week during bible study. I think a few of us struggle, not with the complete sovereignty of God when it comes to our kids, but maybe in the goodness of God at times? Since we know that God permits hardship and sometime evil to happen, there is this fear that us (moms) face when it comes to thinking that God would permit evil to happen to our kids. Does his glory trump his goodness?
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